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Problems with being single for too long?
Hello all of Yahoo! I am certainly not trying to complain, however, I do want to share my experiences with my relationship-building difficulties, and I would like your feedback.
I am in my early 20s, and I have been single for a little over 2 years. I wouldn't say that I am impatiently looking for a significant other, but I am definitely ready to build a relationship.
The relationship that ended two years ago was actually created through myspace when I was 18. In fact, every single relationship before then has developed through online mean somehow; I didn't exactly fit in at high school ,and I did not live in a decent neighborhood. A few women were interested in me during my high school years, but I didn't like them in that way. In response, the "online searching" was a way of reaching out to areas beyond my own to increase my chances of finding someone who appealed to me. Anyway, upon entering college, I thought that this trend would finally come to an end, but even in college I had a problem connecting with the women that I was interested in. It just seemed as if they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt this way my entire freshman year, and I thought things would get better as the years progressed, but due to financial issues, I had to finish my education online.
To make a long story short and for the sake of simplicity, it's not easy for me to randomly chat up a woman and become friends with her. When I do gain such confidence, it ends up going nowhere. Nevertheless, I did notice that when I chat up someone I am not really interested in, they become interested and it angers me. I've been told that I am a nice man and that I am appealing for many reasons, but I am only told this by women that I don't necessarily like, or by women who, although they acknowledge my qualities, sort of use them as an excuse to blow me off (Oh, I'm not your type; you deserve someone better).
I've been told: Be honest, be yourself, act natural, wait for the right one, there's so many fish in the sea. You name it, I've pretty much heard it. Not to be shallow, but I have found that most of the women who are interested in me have at least 2 defects that I absolutely cannot stand. For example, she might be pretty, but she has a child and smokes. Or, she is extremely overweight and drinks too much alcohol. The absolute worst for me is the too many sexual partners problem. When the numbers get into the double digits, that's when the problem starts. Especially when the acts of sex are random. I run into all kinds of qualities that I cannot stand when attempting to find a significant other.
In response to this, people have told me to just settle because nobody's perfect. On the contrary, I really do believe that the better looking you are, the better your chances are with the person whom you really want; I have seen so many, seemingly perfect and pretty girls get pregnant and "played" by "hot guys" who later throw them to the curve. These are the same girls who wouldn't have given me the time of day, but sometimes, they even end up being the same women who try to solicit me after they have made huge mistakes in their lives.
I tell myself day after day that I cannot understand why my requests of a decent woman cannot be fulfilled. It's not like I want a super hot model girlfriend. I just want someone who has similar interests, is pretty, fit, doesn't have a million sexual partner history, or a child, and is really down to earth. I guess that's just too much to ask for.
Things have gotten so bad where I've browsed through some online dating profiles, but I don't get any luck there because it seems as if they are a pool of women with the defects that I do not favor, and the women there appear to be horrible, so I've eliminated that completely.
People have told me to search libraries, grocery stores, clubs, you name it. Nothing!
Personally, I think it's just the way I look.
I know guys who don't even have to say anything when they walk into a public place. The women just naturally come to them. And they are women that I favor!
I mean, I have been approached by women, but again, I noticed that they either have children, their life isn't together, they're divorced (come on I'm in my early 20s!), or they've banged every guy in the world (I know this because for some reason, they don't mind being truthful with heir numbers, or they thing 5-8 isn't a high number).
Recently, I met a cute girl at a bar, but I already knew of her because she dated some people that I knew. After talking to her for a few days, immediately, she began to like me. Unfortunately, she has slept around with a few people that I know, and she has a child. I didn't have the heart to tell her that's why I didn't want to pursue anything with her but that is why. (Besides the numerous partner
Another thing that substantiates my theory regarding the better looking you are, the better things are is my time at the dance club. Purely through visual evidence and overhearing conversations, the women only want to dance with "hot men". On the other hand, I found that men seem to be there more for the dancing aspect and don't necessarily mind what the girl looks like. For me, I go there to dance, so I pretty much dance with anyone. But I did notice that when I try to dance with a really pretty girl, she'll move away. Seconds later, I'll then see her dancing with some "hot guy".
I present myself pretty well, and I cannot find anything wrong with myself that would make someone not want me. It's really frustrating!
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